Q. As a convert
to Islam I greatly appreciate the Islamic literature such as your publication
which helps me to advance in knowledge. I have three (3) questions which
I would like you address for me. If you have addressed these questions
in any of your past issues of Albalagh please let me know how I can obtain
a copy Inshallah. If not would you please answer these questions for me
or let me know if you intend to address these questions in any of your
upcoming issues Insha-Allah.
(Khadijah al-Khudri, Orlando, U.S.A)
Firstly, all the time I hear of the duties of the wives in Islam, but
no one seems to address the responsibilities of the Husband. What is a
Husband's duty to his wife? Is he responsible for her financially and
that's all? Who is to paint the house, now the lawn, breed the children
and raise them? Cook, clean, wash and Iron? It seems to me that all or
most of the Muslim males in America go to the mosque or perform Tabligh
while their wives are burdened with all the other responsibilities. It
is little wonder that most of the Western woman looking at the plight
of woman in Islam refuse to convert because they fear the slave mentality
of the Muslim males.
A. Before replying your specific questions I would like to clarify
one basic point which should always be kept in mind in such matters. One
should clearly distinguish between the Islamic teachings and the general
practice of the Muslims. Unfortunately we are living in an age where the
majority of the Muslims are not aware of the noble teachings of Islam
not do they practise these teachings in their day-to-day affairs of life.
Instead they are mostly influenced by different cultures in which they
have been living. Therefore, everything the Muslims practise on the ground
cannot be attributed to Islam, and while evaluating the merits of Islam,
one should not refer to the practice of the Muslims today, rather he should
turn to the Islamic principles laid down in the Holy Quran and Sunnah.
Obviously, if the Muslims have abandoned the guidance of Shariah, it cannot
be taken in any way as a defect in the Shariah itself, rather, it is the
fault of those who have deprived themselves of this guidance. Keeping
this basic point in view, here are the answers to your questions :
(a) It is evident from a plain study of the relevant material found
in the Holy Quran and Sunnah that Islam treats the relationship of marriage
as a bilateral contract between Husband and Wife, each one of them having
some rights and obligations. The Holy Quran is very much clear on this
point when it says:
"And
the woman have rights similar to their obligations". (2:228)
It is clear from this verse of the Holy Quran that the obligations of
a wife towards her husband are not less than the rights she enjoys. The
Holy Quran has summarized the obligations of husband towards his wife
in a short phrase where the Holy Quran has made it mandatory for a husband
To keep her with fairness" (2:229)
At another place, the Holy Quran instructs the husbands in the following
words:

"And
live with them (wives) in fairness". (4:19)
Therefore, it is not correct that Islam has laid more emphasis on the
obligations of a wife than on the obligations of a husband. Conversely,
the Holy Prophet ( Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam ) has emphasized on the rights
of women in a larger number of his sayings which are probably more than
the sayings emphasizing the rights of a husband. Some examples are being
quoted here: i) The Holy Prophet (Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam) has said:

"The best people from among you are those who are
best to their wives". (Tirmidhi)
"No Muslim should hate his Muslim wife. If he dislikes some of
her qualities, he may find some other qualities agreeable."
"Keep to my advice about woman
that you should treat them fairly." (Tirmidhi)
These examples are sufficient to disclose the great concern the Holy Prophet
( Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam ) has shown for the rights of a woman, so much
so that he dedicated a substantial portion of his Last sermon at the time
of Haj-jatul Wida' to explain, elaborate and emphasise on the obligations
of a man towards his wife. You have referred to the fact that women today
are burdened with the house work like cooking meals, cleaning the house
and raising children while their husbands seldom assist them in these
matters. Here I would like to mention the correct Islamic standpoint with
regard to the obligations of a woman about the household work.
First of all, it is not a legal obligation of a wife, according to Islamic
teachings, to cook the meals on serve the house, and if a woman elects
to refuse to undertake these works, a husband cannot compel her to do
so. However, apart from the legal injunctions, Islam has laid down some
moral instructions for both husband and wife according to which they are
treated as life-companions who should not restrict themselves to the legal
requirements alone, but should join hands to make mutual life as comfortable
and peaceful as possible. They are invited to cooperate with each other
in solving their day-to-day problems. For this purpose it is advisable
that, as cooperating friends, they should devide the necessary works between
them according to their mutual convenience. The woman should look after
the management of the house while the man should be responsible for outdoor
economic activities. This division of work was the practice of the Muslims
in the very days of the Holy Prophet ( Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam ).
Even Sayyidah Fatimah, the beloved daughter of the Holy Prophet ( Sallaho
Alaihai Wasallam ) used to perform all the household functions with her
own hands, while Sayyidna Ali, her noble husband, carried out the economic
activities. The Holy Prophet ( Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam ) never objected
to it, rather, he encouraged her daughter to perform all these functions.
It is true that from a pure legal point of view, a wife may refuse to
cook meals or to do other household works, but on the other hand, the
husband may refuse to give her permission to meet her relatives. And if
both of them are restricted to such a crude legal relationship, an atmosphere
of mutual understanding and bilaterial cooperation cannot develop between
them.
Therefore, a wife should not take the household work as a disgrace to
her. In fact, her active contribution to her own house work is the basic
source of strength for the family system of the society. It is a great
servise, not only to her own family but also to the nation as a whole,
because the betterment of the whole nation depends on a smooth family
system. It is strenge that when an air hostess serves meals to hundreds
of strangers in an aeroplane, it has been taken today as a symbol of liberalism,
progress and emancipation, but when a housewife renders much lighter services
to her own family, it is deemed to be a disgrace or sign of backwardness.
The western countries are facing today a terrible situation of family-break-down.
Their leaders are mourning on this draw- back, which is caused by the
lack of mutual cooperation between husband and wife and their failure
to determine the functions of the spouses according to their natural,
biological and religious requirements.
In short, a wife is not legally bound to render the household services,
however, it is advisable that she performs these functions as a measured
of cooperation with her family and an honorary service to the society
as a whole, for which she deserves great reward in the Hereafter.
But at the same time, the husband should always remember that the household
work undertaken by his wife is not a legal duty obliged on her, rather,
it is a voluntary service she is rendering for the benefit of the family.
Therefore, a husband must always appreciate this goodwill of his wife
and should not treat it as a legal claim against her. Moreover, he should
not leave all the household works on her exclusively. The husband should
provide her with servants wherever possible, and should himself assist
her in performing these functions. It is reported in a number of authentic
ahadith that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) despite his great outdoor responsibilities,
used to render many domestic services with his own hands, like milking
his she-goats, washing his clothes etc. We do not find anywhere in his
Sunnah that he ever ordered any of his wifves to do such works. However,
his sacred wives used to render these services voluntarily without any
specific com- mand from the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.).
It is not correct that the books written on this subject stress upon the
obligations of a wife only. In fact all the books of Islamic jurisprudence
discuss the rights and obligations of both the spouses simultaneously.
The husband is required not only to provide maintenance, but he is also
required to treat his wife "fairly" as the Holy Quran has put
it in express terms, so much so that the Muslim jurists have observed
that a husband cannot travel for more than four month at one time without
the permission of his wife. But unfortunately many Muslims are not aware
of the teachings of their religion and, due to this ignorance, they commit
errors in their behaviour towards their wives.
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